i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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