Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
