garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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