can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
