so explain again why im purple
no
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
