hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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