She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
