exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
