sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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