no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
