I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
