dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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