U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
me + whiskey = a bad person
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
