Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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