Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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