i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
