All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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