Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
