so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
