I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
