my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
