onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
