With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He felt like a one man threesome
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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