dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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