I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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