Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
