Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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