I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
