you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
