My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
