you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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