The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize