before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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