Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize