It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
