Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize