SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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