he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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