We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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