Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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