True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
third nipple confirmed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
