Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize