this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
