I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
