that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
