He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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