if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
