Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i came on her dog
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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