They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
