Porn is love you can see.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
