K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
