that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
