So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
