I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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