he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
