How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
