I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
