Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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