That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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