i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She bit a glass in half.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
