I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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