I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
