so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
