we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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