where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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