So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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