i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
