so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
