Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
