I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You may now shotgun with the bride
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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