I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
