I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
