He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
