I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
