i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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